Yeah, I do. The feelings just wouldn’t quit for him and I have tried god dammit to quit him. It’s official the end of August and tomorrow is September and according to my mama it’s almost Xmas. I had to say calm down please, mother. I still have shit to do and accomplish but instead most of the time I am staring at tis fine specimen of a man. Then there are the whys, why are you so nice, sweet, humble fucking hot? Smart (he is okay, he is smarter than he puts on and I am not talking about him just reading a books, there is a lot of awesome stuff going on in that beautiful brain of his and I find it so fucking endearing and alluring and I want him so bad) I just can’t and sometime don’t want to shake. Well I fucked myself over since I declared myself his girl at the beginning of the year. So there is that.
But seriously how am I still here? There was and are shit I am not cool with. Things happened, when down, they are now past and I have moved on and I am still here. But as stated in the header I love him. I do. So I guess I have to deal with my SADS of not having Alexander here directly and beside me for now. I wonder tho does he think about me as much as I rewind repeat thoughts of/about him on a daily basis and while I sleep. ( I have no peace, he is/apart of basically my whole day now, when did it become to tis I don’t know, I stop fighting it tho a while back, since I love him and that’s all I need to do right now) It would give me great peace of mind if I knew what’s his brain obsession is.
Either ways here he is Again with Jelly beans. I can’t okay. I can’t with him being all sweet and attentive to tiny humans that are little girls. That hits a very sensitive side to me (yes I know it’s a movie but god dammit still)
I LOVE YOU OKAY, DO YOU KNOW THAT? I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE I DO LIKE ALOT. SO MUCH According to sources, fandom, you bought a book at Chapters (love Chapters when I visit family I go there and buy books and coffee and other things) and had food. Yayyy, I am so happy. I am. My feels. My feels right now.
I HAVE THE SADS I AM HAPPY (he is doing what he wants and he owing it all and that makes me beam for him, because he is happy where he is professional, if he can come seek me out for fulfilling the private/sex life would be great) BUT I HAVE THE SADS. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING TIS. I HAVE A FEELING I MIGHT END UP DOING TIS.