So death right it sucks ass so much. GAWD!! Even when you know it will happen you just can never prepare for it when it does. Andy Whitfied is no more. September 11 happened. Sadness!!


I make this post because well the last month or 2 or so it’s like death walking and whisper or delivery bad news to me and to people I know. I just can’t escape it’s thunder of  doom. It basically started with my best friend Aunt she passed away. (she was diagnosed) She was fucking gutted, I was fucking sad. It sucks when all you can do is sit there and watch because you know it is happen. I don’t fear death. I know this will happen, just like you were born you will die. Tis is the only certainty life gives you. Death! It’s the when and how that we can’t handle, so have to deal with the process of watching a sickness take something away that you treasure, you are happy and sad about the knowing but it never prepares you for the letting go. So as I said it started with my best friend Aunt. She was young too, and she  had small children, now that makes shit even sadder now. God, my heart is too weak to even place my soul in those kids shoes. It’s heart breaking, sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so much. Anyways let’s just leave it at that, then it went on to people relaying to me that someone close is diagnose (there is alot of that going around, you know you have this news) with something life threathen or worst they passed away. God fucking damn, altho it makes me sad, it was never really that close to home. You wish them well and help them thorough their sorrows. But when it’s your turn, you lose your shit. I was not prepared as I said you can never be. Someone close I knew and I saw the whole day before, we chatted, interacted I saw them the whole day (maybe that was my gift)  I even saw them that night, it goes deeper but I will just leave it at that, in the end I kept saying I will see you next week, We will talk. (that sadden me the most, that brush off of the usual everyday BS) let me know when we can have dinner or something. Let’s makes plans. He helped me out with something and I almost always repay with a great dinner and company.  (now my plans are, let’s just fucking do it, TODAY not tomorrow, that shit is promise to NOONE! Anyways I am still hugging people tighter and loving them more My I LOVE YOUS are let’s just say more purer if  that’s the word) anyways it was just a normal day, what is a normal day really? If we all had crytsal balls we would live our lives well or have a good life no.(September 11 was that a normal day?!  How many thought it was just a normal day, how many said casually I love you! I’ll see you later or just walked away and went on with day to day life) The next day was dark too busy with too much to notice the signs, but there was something, it just didn’t feel right. I’d just spaced out or just stopped and looked, you know around more. I would just pause for brief moments and drift  then someone just stop me in all my chaos of the day and drop it on my like bricks. With the did you hear?! Hear what? ….. passed away last night. WTF!! You kidding me?! Shut the fuck up. I can’t comprehend your bullshit right now. I DO> NOT> COMPUTE! Let’s just say the week to follow as been the weirdess and most surreal experience for me in a long while.

Anyways long rant short, tomorrow is promise to NOONE Living to the max is. I have always live that way really, Now that is magnified to 1000 cleaning  out the bullshit. Regretting nothing if it’s what I want to do and not hurting anyone. Loving the ones that mean much to me. Tell them that EVERY DAY not the I love you man usually shit. No I LOVE YOU look at me man I fucking do. Spending  time with my essentials get all up in their business blah, blah..

But this was about Andy I like Spartacus and the actor too, he had potential but I had no idea that he was going through what he was going through and he was 39 god dammit. You just don’t fucking know. Tomorrow is promise to NOONE !! So here is the story. Strength to his family I am glad he was surround with love.

Spartacus Star Andy Whitfield Dies at 39

Andy Whitfield, the original star of Starz’s Spartacus: Blood and Sand period drama, died on Sunday of non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. The actor was 39, his manager tells TVLine.

“On a beautiful sunny Sydney spring morning, surrounded by his family, in the arms of his loving wife, our beautiful young warrior Andy Whitfield lost his 18-month battle with lymphoma cancer,” Whitfield’s wife Vashti said in a statement cited by the Associated Press. “He passed peacefully surrounded by love. Thank you to all his fans whose love and support have help carry him to this point. He will be remembered as the inspiring, courageous and gentle man, father and husband he was.”

The Welsh-born Whitfield was first diagnosed with treatable Stage 1 non-Hodgkin lymphoma in early March of 2010. He was declared cancer-free two months later, after completing his original treatment therapy.

In July 2010, at the Spartacus panel at the San Diego Comic-Con (see photo above), Whitfield said, “I feel better than ever…. Like, seriously, I feel like I’m 10 years younger. I had a good rest.”

To accommodate the actor’s original unavailability, Starz halted production on the original Spartacus: Blood and Sand and fast-tracked a six-episode prequel series titled Spartacus: Gods of the Arena.

But come September 2010, Starz announced that Whitfield would not be returning for the original series’ second season after all, so that he could pursue “aggressive treatment” for a recurrence of his cancer.

“We are deeply saddened by the loss of our dear friend and colleague,” Starz President and CEO Chris Albrecht says in a statement to our sister site Deadline.com. “[The] man who played a champion on-screen was also a champion in his own life. Andy was an inspiration to all of us as he faced this very personal battle with courage, strength and grace. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family during this difficult time.”

In January of this year, Aussie actor Liam McIntyre (HBO’s The Pacific) was chosen to assume the title role in what is now titled Spartacus: Vengeance — and with his predecessor’s OK. “Andy did call up the [producers] and said, ‘I do want the show to continue.’ He gave his blessing,” McIntyre shared at this summer’s San Diego Comic-Con. Filling Whitfield’s sandals, he added, was “a great privilege and a great honor.”

spartacus-andy-whitfield-dies

Also since this post is about death, September 11 is still hard to swallow even after 10 years. I still can’t deal. The families and people affected I wish them to complete healing so much to say about September 11 and after but I can’t right now. Let’s just leave it at these pics for now tho. New footage of what was happening makes it even worst. This was me airing out my heart thanks for reading.

 So this happened to alot of people on that day and I CAN’T EVEN  fathom the how, why and what they must have been going through during and before this.

 Was that too gore for you? Too close to home?! Too real?! Well close your eyes and think happy thoughts. Tomorrow is promise to NOONE Living to the max is. Hate should never be in any part of the equation but love most definitely should always be.

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